I was confused the day I discovered it is not okay to openly celebrate your success. It was the last day of school in grade three. I was walking home with my best friend, Lori-Ann … who didn’t want to show me her report card. I still showed her mine.
I expected my friend to say “Wow! That’s really good!” and be happy for me… Not so much. I had to find other people to play with those first 2 weeks of Summer vacation.
I had stumbled upon item #23 of the unwritten Women’s Code of Conduct. DO NOT share your success with others unless you meet one of the following conditions:
- You’ve had a tremendous amount of bad luck or wrong turns over the years and you can finally share a story that doesn’t obligate them to feel sorry for you.
- They have had a tremendous amount of success lately and you are offering to celebrate your success TOGETHER.
- They know your deepest, darkest fears and insecurities and have invested time and energy in boosting you up to help create this success. Your celebration is actually a gift to them to say “Thank you! This is really YOUR success!”
Who wrote that code? I know women who have ignored it completely, lost friends along the way, but achieved brilliant success! They simply decided that anyone who was upset by their success, probably wasn’t much of a friend to begin with. They chose to not worry so much about others, but to keep creating success and invite others to celebrate with them.
They keep succeeding!
Do you celebrate your success, or bury it? How does that affect your:
- ability to self-promote when you need to?
- opportunities (like that juicy speaking gig)?
I’m getting better, but I still tend to downplay, turn focus on others, am almost embarrassed when my triumphs are pointed out. This holds me back in those critical moments where I really need to stand up for the value I have to offer and promote myself … something absolutely crucial to a speaker and an entrepreneur. I watch men celebrate the slightest accomplishment, spread news of small wins as though they were gigantic achievements and promote themselves as the hottest thing on the scene.
I catch myself saying “REALLY??? I did more than that and I don’t make a big deal about it!”
Well, whose fault is that?
To influence others, you need to influence yourself first. Take stock of your wins. CELEBRATE! Okay, maybe not with all of your friends (or you may not have people to play with this Summer), but find some way to appreciate the fruits of your hard work and STOP belittling your accomplishments! It’s the only way you’ll begin to:
- charge what you’re worth,
- ask for what you really want or need,
- get those prize opportunities and be introduced to greater circles of influence.
Own your success, and celebrate!
Share your comments and stories with me! Also, share this article with a woman in your life who really needs to read it.